Crystal healing or crystal bullshitting?

By Kai Teo
An excerpt from Rainbow Warrior Handbook – The Underground Guide to the Psychedelic Revolution

Crop circles are the result of intelligent alien life coming to Earth to send a message to us. There are indigo children born with special abilities and they will change the world. Crystals have the power to channel out bad energy from our bodies and can even cure chronic diseases.

You believe in all of the above statements? How much of that is actually true?

There has been loads of pseudoscience in circulation across the internet, and many claim to be telling the truth, including alien abductees and false messiahs who turn their personal beliefs into religions for the gullible masses. 

As a disclaimer, none of the stuff that you’re reading here is to be taken as absolute truth, just as everything in life. I mean, our whole existence is merely an endless loop of information received and processed by our brains, and what we deem as “truth” today is merely a widely accepted consensus of opinions.

Psychedelics have taught me that our reality exists only in our brains. When I was absolutely convinced that last evening’s laser light was a piece of solid living fabric flapping its wings across the blueprint of the universe, Peter, who only had two beers, might not agree. I see a green table, you look at the same table and tell me it’s red. Who’s actually right?

"We feel very healed mining these crystals!" Photo: pulitzercenter.org

"We feel very healed mining these crystals!" Photo: pulitzercenter.org

So could crystal healing be effective? Possible. But unless I actually get a chance to be treated by a crystal doctor, I would stick to “I don’t know”. By the way, who mined those crystals? Like, is it all like fair-trade and sustainable? That’s more important to me for now.  

Do aliens exist? Very possible. Considering that there are 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (that’s 23 zeros by the way) planets in our universe, it’s a little myopic to think that our mighty planet Earth is the only planet supporting life. And even if we don’t see them, they might exist in a completely different form that our five senses can’t detect. Pretty sure it isn’t what Hollywood is showing us though. Oh, and your anus is probably not something they’re interested in.

We all like to describe ourselves as “open minded”, so in the pursuit of ultimate open mindedness, we often dive head-on into stuff without doing our research. 

Yes! The mercury retrograde would open up new doors for our lives and it’s time to take these opportunities and carve a new path for ourselves! No! Every day opens up new doors and every second is a new opportunity to make a positive change, don’t wait for some planet to do shit before you start getting your shit together. 

This new blood supermoon would be a chance to cleanse ourselves from our past transgressions and start anew! No! The moon wouldn’t cleanse you if you spend 8 hours watching Gossip Girls and eating McDonald’s. Go meditate, take a walk, hang out with good friends, open up to them, that’s cleansing. Leave the moon alone. 

I’m Scorpio and my moon sign is Aquarius. This means that next week, with the alignment of Jupiter and Mars, I’d be experiencing something big and I should take it as a sign for me to move on from my failed relationship. We experience something big everyday, for fuck’s sake. We wake up, alive! How is that not a big deal? Download Tinder, start swiping away your attachment issues. The planets don’t revolve around you.

I mean, fuck yea, it is, of course, possible that earthlings like you and me and my neighbour’s dog could be affected by the movement of the planets and the moon. About 65% of the human body consists of water, so if the moon’s gravity is responsible to the changing tides, why wouldn’t I be affected in some way? But are we gonna plan tomorrow’s schedule around how close the moon is to Earth? Probably not. 

I guess the point here is that being “open minded” does not mean we should be gullible, or even superstitious. Question everything. Try everything. If something works for you, it might not work for someone else. And if the moon ritual you performed last night dancing naked around the barbecue pit has worked for you, it doesn’t make it a universally viable treatment for depression. Sure, get your friend to try it as well, but please don’t try to convince them to stop seeing their therapist. 

Life can suck sometimes. We get ourselves into stupid situations sometimes. And sometimes, it might seem easier to blame it on the moon and wear a crystal, rather than actually getting out of our slump and doing something real about it. 

Going through a tough time in our relationships? How about opening up to our partners and talking it out properly? Going nowhere in our careers? Maybe consider switching jobs or talking to the boss about it? Woke up feeling like shit for no reason? Try drinking some tea, binge watch cat videos, ask a friend over, then binge watch more cat videos together. 

I honestly want to be open to everything. Because if wearing a rose quartz actually helps to calm me down, give me ten of those! But if a hungry beggar asks you for food, don't feed them a fucking crystal. 


The Rainbow Warrior Handbook is now available for pre-order for only $20. Help us spread the psychedelic awareness to the entire planet!

RAINBOW WARRIOR HANDBOOK –
THE UNDERGROUND GUIDE TO THE PSYCHEDELIC REVOLUTION

How can psychedelics change the world? This book is a global call to all psychedelic explorers – Rainbow Warriors – to come together and start a revolution in human consciousness, thought, and behaviour, armed not with guns, but with love.