2015 – Last year, I saw the worst that could happen to a woman

By Tasja Nielsen

Well hello 2015, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Your predecessor, 2014, was an emotional bitch to say the least.  She put me through some of the most horrific stuff, I have ever experienced, but cosmos sugar-coated it with episodes of tremendous love, trust, fulfilment and victory.

So why was 2014 a hectic year in this human body called Tasja?

Well first of all, I moved around a lot. For me, three times in a year is more than enough. My base changed and I changed with it. So I ended up with a fractured self. It still kinda is, but I have great expectations for 2015.

The last move I made was due to a break-up between me and my former boyfriend.  It was, and sometimes still is, an open wound in my heart. I will heal, I know, I always seem to do.  But the transition from being with someone you love, someone whom you depend upon, and someone you find comfort with, to sleeping in your sister’s living room on a weekend bed, crying yourself to sleep at night and feeling like a discarded sock, was a very difficult pill to swallow.

I had to redefine, not only my self, but my attitude towards human behaviour.

I was faced with the ugly in me, and the ugly in my fellow earth beings. The turbulence surrounding me, was one big karmic slap in the face, and I couldn't help but to laugh at it from time to time, because I could see myself in almost every situation.

Infidelity, secrets, dishonesty, anger, resentment, vindictiveness, compassion, joy and empathy are all emotional expressions – human emotional expressions. And I've witnessed these in 2014. In others, and when I looked in the mirror.

My view on my own self has been challenged. My view on people I thought I knew, has changed.

One episode ripped my heart right out of my chest. Ripped it out, but filled it with aggression, sadness, and disbelieve. Then reinserted it.

A woman very close to my heart, experienced one of the worst a lady can imagine. She was raped.

I saw this girl shattered to pieces. This is someone’s mother, daughter, sister and wife. A strong individual. Well, one of the strongest people I know. But it happened to her. I would rather it had happened to me. Honestly. When a bomb like that explodes, you become indifferent to everything. Life just turned into slow-motion footage of someone else’s life.

I had a very difficult time studying for my exam, due to this episode, and my already wounded heart. I made it through though, because I kept my life in two lanes.

There was the school Tasja, and the backstage Tasja.

The difference between the two was tremendous and at times, I almost felt schizophrenic But I passed the test. “Challenge completed” right? It's amazing how you can get through life in one piece. How you manage to stay up, and keep going, when all else is falling apart. I'm glad I have a plateau of love to help me, that's for sure!

Because of my security net, I was able to get back on my feet. I know I would not have made it without the support of the people around me.

I have a great deal of gratitude towards the open hearts, of my friends and family. In times of distress it becomes very clear to me, what kind of human I am. If I were an asshole, no one would have helped me. But people wanted to help me through my rocky road. This affected my view on my self, in a positive way, but I'm still battling with episodes of self loathe.

When these episodes occur, I call one of my girls.

We have made the phrase ”Hang in there!!” the tagline of our 2014.

Hang in there every hour, every minute, sometimes even every second. One foot in front of the other, one tiny step at a time.

These tiny steps have brought me good things and little victories. One of them is the fact that I'm even writing this article for Buddha Mag. Other thing, is the fact that I'm moving from my sister’s place tomorrow. I'm gonna have my own room, in a home with to beautiful people who share my outlook on life, food, society and a broad range of other topics.

I'm starting an internship in a highly appreciated concert venue in CPH, called Vega. They had a spot open in their communication department.

This is very surreal for me, because I never though I would have the qualifications to join their team. But I did, and actually I got it. Much amazed!

The 5 months I will spend in that organisation, will be magical in so many ways, and I'm very hopeful that my own development as a communicator, will flourish under these circumstances.
I will try to manifest it!

Things are always moving. If you consider the hermetic principal of ”polarity” (the theory that everything is moving from positive to negative, all the time. On a minutely basis, weekly basis, yearly basis etc.) I really think 2015 will be good for me.

We got through it, this 2014 madness. Can't wait to see what the gregorian year of 2015, has in store for me.

Just gotta hang on and enjoy the ride!

All of us need some support here and there. Share this article to show your love to Tasja, and to the world. =)