Living the "now" and fucking it up sometimes

By Tasja Nielsen


During this summer I've come to a realization.

I'm actually a very welcoming and loving human being. More than I was aware of. I love to hug people and feel their core energy. I love to engage in relations with other people, and get under the skin of creatures whom I find interesting, conversational or otherwise.

I find it very easy to share my own energy with other love-lings, when the delivery and receiving of inner universal love, is an event I use to reload my chambers with. When you combine this, with the love-hunger in some single men/women, the situation gets fishy for me.

I gave it a try, surrendering myself to that glorious ”Now” that everyone rambles on about.

These “nows” have been some very lovely experiences. They are intense, emerging, and sometimes in the erotic lane. But what happens, when the “now” has passed? In my own perception, ending the “now” means welcoming the new, and since I'm a welcoming kind of girl, I of course embrace the new “nows”.  My “nows” often involve me letting go, and merging with an other human being. This can be both on a sexual and spiritual level. I try to keep the encounters as private as possible, try to contain the situation and draw the boundaries from start. Only to avoid any hurt feelings, and to avoid crossing any invisible lines of my counterpart.

Though I try, hard, to keep everything cool and separated, things get mixed up anyway.

Because of my loving nature, I have had to have several “talks” this summer. The “nows” developed into the “somethings”, that I've tried so deeply to escape from since I was jolted back onto the single-scene again last year.

I do not believe that “now” can have zero consequences.

There's a clear correlation between input and output, and whatever you bring into that “now” will follow you in the future. It can be positive, yes, and sometimes it most definitely has been. If the positivity of a “now” follows you, I would call it a success. It means you have managed to create a satisfying situation for all involved parties, and the wave of awesomeness can actually flow freely.

Honesty, respect and compassion might be the key ingredients to this particular outcome.

I had a challenging time though, being 100% honest to myself, and to the people involved in my “nows”. But I’m rehearsing, and getting better. Little by little, I've come to discover that being honest to myself comes before being honest to others. Not that I’m lying all the time, but I've had my brain and thoughts playing games, with my heart and conscious nature, turning Tasja into a over analyzing woman. “Can I talk to him, like this, without him thinking this and that?”, “Will she think I'm coming on to her, because I'm asking for her number?”, “Did the guy from last month’s “now”, see me engaging in this new “now”, and is he okay with that?”, “Did he really do THAT? Right in front of me?! Wow!”

I'm currently part of a certain group of people, a group where most people know each other in some degree. Everybody is interconnected and loving. This demands that you leave your shit at the door, so to say. Not wanting to hurt anybody is a tough assignment, but honesty helps me complete the task.

First step for me, was acknowledging my circus of feelings. Not thinking about what my feelings meant and why they were there, but simply accepting their existence inside me. Saying “hi” to anger, confusion, sadness, joy, love, euphoria and all the in-betweens, has paved the way for my acceptance of all of these things in me, and in other people as well.

I know I can communicate in a fair manner, the things I want, and the things I would rather do without. The hard talks have become easier, and the dreaded fear of “something” developing is almost gone.

Since I'm the only one who can hold the remote control to my life, I personally try to keep the channel on a respectful and playful program. I can't manage this all the time though, since external events still has some sort of power to affect my own attempt at calmness. But my pursuit to keep a happy environment in my surroundings has paid of in this last month. I'm starting to smell a liberating scent of freshly baked development in my nostrils.

My journey of development ends, when I leave this human container. Until then, I'm gonna try to turn all the unavoidable “somethings”, into a constant “now” of possibilities. I urge you to keep a core of love, but to never stop changing and developing your ways.

Dear friends, embrace the “now”.


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