Excuses – Why Dubai doesn't fucking deliver

By Michael Boyle
Photo: thechive.com

After a long break plagued by work commitments, comparatively shit gig season in Dubai and sheer lack of inspiration to write, I’m back.

I know I’ve been the literary equivalent of a deadbeat dad lately and I apologise to those of you who actually read my work, but I don’t get paid for this so y’all can suck it. :)

Dubai is in the desert and it’s super freakin hot all summer, so nobody comes here to perform. We spend the summer months getting excited about winter starting again, and then the line-ups for the various festivals start rolling in and we start giving our bank accounts a bit of abuse by buying tickets. This winter so far has been a huge disappointment. To date, all the good gigs have been on weeknights, and as much as I love partying, my hatred for being like a zombie all day at work after waking up at 5am slightly outweighs my love of music. Ferry Corsten and Marcus Schulz both shared the same stage on the same night late last month. Corsten came on first – at midnight, so of course I couldn’t go because I was up at 4am to travel for work the next morning. I hear that it was a great night, but that’s all I’ve got.

Next there’s Party in the Park. That was on Friday November 14th. They charged something like 60 Euros for a ticket to see Lily Allen, Richard Ashcroft and a bunch of random folk nobody’s ever heard of. As much as I love Ashcroft, I’ve seen him live twice before, and seriously, who the fuck wants to pay 60 Euros to listen to Lily Allen’s stupid whiny bitch voice for 90 minutes? Unless a significant portion of Dubai’s population is completely deaf, my guess is “not many”.

Next up is Space Ibiza’s 25th Anniversary Tour. Riva Starr will be playing there so it should be good. Only problem is that it’s on Friday November 21st, and I have family in town for my birthday and they already booked a table for dinner and drinks on that night because my birthday is on the following Saturday, so that’s another gig I’m going to miss.

All is not lost though, because December is where things get better and I might actually be able to attend some of them.

I already have tickets to see Kevin Bridges, the enormously talented Scottish comedian, live on December 12th. This happens on the same night as Creamfields Abu Dhabi which you may remember me writing about last year. If Kevin shows up on time and the gig starts when they say it will, I MIGHT have time to get to Abu Dhabi for the last 2 hours of Creamfields. The line-up there features Adam Beyer, Afrojack, Marco Corolla and Hardwell. Corolla and Beyer will make a welcome change to the typical cheesy brand of generic EDM that Dubai music fans seem to love, so depending on what time they hit the stage, it could be worth driving through for. I’ll be counting on Corolla and Beyer playing AFTER Hardwell and Afrojack though, because I think the latter both suck and would rather listen to radio static. If they close the night, I’ll definitely make the trip because I won’t miss their sets.

RedFest 2015 is the next scheduled event, but the lineup is crap. I might buy a ticket just so I can get near the front of the stage holding a sign saying “IGGY AZALEA LOOKS LIKE MARLON WAYANS” so she can see it when she comes on to bore us all to death with her dreadful music. The Script are playing too, but I can only imagine that seeing them live would make me want to leave this world by ingesting bleach and spend the rest of eternity wondering the heavens wishing I’d just stayed at home that night.

There will surely be more gigs announced in the coming months – I think Sandance is coming back this winter – and I’ll try to attend as many as possible. The writers from the other sections of Buddha Mag are spoilt for choice when it comes to finding things to write about because they live in cities full of character and interesting people. Unfortunately I don’t have that luxury – living in a city where the only diversion from the mundane is the occasional concert during winter.

Until next time, ciao from me.

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