Sexual freedom: Why we need to stop feeling ashamed about fucking around

By Kai Teo
Photo: slate.com

It is the year 2014, and this is supposed to be the golden age of feminism, contraception, and sexual liberation. Yet, many of us continue holding on to senselessly conservative sexual values that are causing us to feel fucked up every time we fuck around.

In evolutionary sense, sex is considered one of the most pleasurable human physical experiences, purely because it makes us want to fuck endlessly to reproduce as much as we can, to ensure the continued survival of the human species. Well of course, once in a while, we need to take short breaks to indulge in eating and drinking, or we could just do it all at the same time. Google “Eating dinner and each other” or “Bananas and mussels”.

The engagement of kindred souls in a sexual act, or everything leading towards it, be it dancing, flirting, seduction or foreplay, gets people very fucking excited and even ecstatic, or sometimes stupid. Well, that’s because we’re made to feel this way. Nature wants us to fuck fuck fuck fuck and fuck even more.

Before the conception of contraception, fucking means babies. And that was a big problem.

So mate selection came into play. And here is where gender and sexual orientation makes a difference. The straight male, assuming that he’s very potent and kinda hot, has the physical ability to impregnate 365 women in a year, thus fathering 365 crying toddlers after 9 months. Never mind whether he could feed them or not, the selfish father could leave it to the mothers to do the work. So the male homosapien naturally goes around fucking every living being that he could in order to do his part in the survival of his species. More babies = more chances of furthering the family line. Simple math.

The straight female, however, kinda wants to make sure that whoever she fucks and impregnates her, sticks around to bring her food when she’s heavily pregnant, and helps do shit around the house when she’s busy with the baby. So of course, she doesn’t just fuck anyone. He’s gotta be responsible for his shit.

We’re talking about the olden days here, so don’t get all worked up about gender stereotypes and all that. We’re describing shit as they were a long time ago.

And given the sheer number of years (about 200,000 yo) humans have lived this way, without contraception, evolution has somehow hardwired us to behave and think the way we do about sex. And that is:

Men are fucking dogs, they just fuck anything and everything. Women are more careful, tending to pick their mates according to how well they can take care of the wellbeing of the child.

Many of us subscribe to this school of thought. Even if no one taught us anything, we would probably behave like that. So even when modern contraception methods came about in say, the last 50 years, with the probably of preventing pregnancies by up to 102%, humans are still somehow bound to these instincts. Unlearning this would be as difficult as learning to avoid our inborn craving for fatty foods, like french fries. You know how hard that is.

It’s all natural, it’s all fine.

The problem came when the idea of chastity was introduced to the world as a virtue. Myths such as masturbation can turn you blind, god gets pissed off if you engage in premarital sex, virgins are considered pure, and shit like that got spread around the world. Unfortunately, a large percentage of today’s world still believes in this crazy stuff.

Look, if god didn’t want us to have premarital sex, or wank, he or she would have made it so that it hurt like a sledgehammer slamming into your genitals every time you did that.

Free love died. The ancient Romans looked at us today like a bunch of uptight prudes who indulge in digital “Likes” rather than being licked, savages who respect bombs more than explosive orgasms, lost souls who take pride in the number of hours we work everyday than the number of times we make love.

Today, men who fuck around are seen as untrustworthy, and unreliable life partners. And women who do the same, are shamed as sluts.

 

But somehow, the chastity idea is a rather unfair, and sexist one.

The men who get laid a lot are hailed as great lovers, toy-boys, and are lauded by their male peers, even though they wouldn’t be considered a good loyal partner. And the women? Loose, fast, sluts, dirty, and everything bad. Where the fuck is the logic?

In a civilised society, with non-consensual sex out of this argument, women hold the cards on whether men would be getting any. Because that’s what they were told, “Men don’t like easy women.” Female genitals are regarded as holy grails, the treasure at the end of the rainbow, the unicorn in the mystical forest.

So every sexual act becomes an act of conquest for the male. Thus the terms “score” and “nail”. And every time our female counterparts get laid with someone whom they’re not in a relationship with, there’s bound to be an element of guilt.

It’s nothing to talk openly about. It’s nothing to indulge in. What happens under the sheets kinda remains there, with the exception of a few close friends. Nope, there’s definitely no pride in fucking 4 different guys in a week.

Why? It’s the infamous lock and key argument: If a key can open many locks, it is a master key and it is a good key. But if a lock can be opened by many keys, it’s a shitty lock.

While in the context of a lock and key, the above argument might hold true. But you see, the woman’s divine vagina is not really a lock, because chastity is nothing to guard. It’s a baseless assumption that chastity is something that’s worth anything in a forward thinking society.

The obsession of marrying virgin brides is a highly misguided one. It makes a lot more sense to marry someone, if you believe in marriage, who has had a wealth of sexual experiences. Because he or she has kinda “been there done that” and would be more likely to stay committed to one partner.

So let’s go with the pencil sharpener argument instead. If a pencil sharpener can sharpen all sorts of pencils, it’s a good sharpener. If 2 pencil sharpeners prefer to rub their blades together and not sharpen pencils, they’re still good pencil sharpeners. If a pencil sharpener chooses not to sharpen any pencils, it is still a good sharpener (we see loopholes in this argument, but hey, it still kinda works).

So to deal with this senseless guilt and shame, many people have resorted to trivialising sex to some sort of a bodily function like taking a shit. We’ve all heard, and maybe even used, this one before, “Oh, it’s just sex, nothing more.”

So sex becomes a passionless physical need that everyone has to engage in once in a while. Bam bam bam, ugh, done. “Thanks for the evening, bye.”

No cuddles, no romantic kisses, no breakfast. And sometimes, no names, no phone numbers, no facebook contact. So ladies and gentlemen, that’s what we call sexual freedom.

The guilt of fucking some random person is now gone. Rather, it has been transferred to the enjoyment of that act. Today, it is perfectly fine to say that you’ve fucked this and this person, and that you had to do it, you haven’t had sex in a while, you were drunk etc. But it’s not ok to do it a few times a week with different people, loving it a lot, and raving about how great it is.

Why the fuck would we feel guilty or embarrassed about it?

Sex is the most divine form of human physical interaction that should be enjoyed and indulged in to its fullest sense. That is to say, we should be proud of the fact that we’re secure enough about ourselves and our bodies to be able to partake in such an intimate activity with another person. It’s the closest you can be, physically, with someone else. So close that the person is literally inside you. And that’s a beautiful thing to be able to share with other people.

Of course, having sex with someone isn’t just a purely physical act. It’s about fucking that person’s soul too. So the shared moment of intense physical intimacy is also about souls connecting. It might sound cheesy and pretentious, but only to the people who’ve always treated sex like a shallow act.

By treating people like sexual tools, you should kinda feel shitty about yourself. Because your need for pleasure has driven you to use someone, or some genitals, to your own advantage. Add this to the senseless societal expectations of chastity that drive us away from fully enjoying what our physical bodies are capable of, we become a generation of self-loathing, self-deceiving, and deprived individuals.

 

Respect the people you have sex with, by giving the person not just your body, but also your heart and your soul, even if it’s just a one-night stand.

There’s not gonna be any complications. There’s not gonna be any unwanted commitment. That is, if we all make it clear right from the start that there shouldn’t be expectations of a long-term monogamous relationship. Everyone has the capacity to love many people if we don’t try to ‘own’ someone. Everyone can be part-time lovers and full-time friends.

So let all genders truly treat sex as a special moment of sharing, indulging in pleasure, and giving, and not let others tell us that we should be ashamed of it. And that would be a step forward in gender equality in the sexual aspect.

Go ahead, fuck like rabbits, make love like the gods, and when everyone gets laid enough, I’m sure there’ll be less fighting and less wars, and we might just make the world a better place.


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